Big D's Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris craps light sabers.
Chuck Norris doesn’t think frosted flakes are great.
Trix aren’t for kids, they’re for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the real slim shady.
Chuck Norris does not believe in nor taste the rainbow.
Chuck Norris once sucked a cows nipple for 2 minutes and later shit 5 pounds of whipped cream.
Chuck Norris’ envelopes seal without him licking them.
The speed of light is a measurement relative to the time it takes Chuck Norris to run the 100 meter dash.
Chuck Norris never needs to do anything for a Klondike bar, people simply lay them at his feet upon command.
Chuck Norris once killed a man for a Klondike bar, only to realize that he had five already in his pocket, still cold.
Chuck Norris makes goldfish brand crackers frown.
Vampires only come out at night, not due to inability to withstand sunlight but simply because that is when Chuck Norris sleeps, or excuse me, waits.

Posted by Mateja

When life gives Chuck Norris lemons he makes orange juice and no one questions how he did it. They just sit there drinking the best orange juice ever.

Chuck Norris doesn’t have to do anything for a Klondike Bar.

Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris finished the Never Ending Story.

Chuck Norris uses light sabers for his sword swallowing act.

Chuck Norris has a website, it’s called the internet.

Chuck Norris can stare at the sun, and the sun goes blind.

That’s not an eclipse… that’s the sun hiding from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!

Chuck Norris can eat breakfast at McDonald’s after 10:30 AM.

Chuck Norris tried to shave once. He killed the lawnmower.

Handicapped parking is reserved for Chuck Norris. The picture shows what will happen to you if you take his spot.

Chuck Norris doesn’t cheat death, he beats it fair and square.

Chuck Norris cheated on his English test… with a calculator.

Once a cop pulled over Chuck Norris… the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

Show me a man with a nub for an index finger, and I’ll show you a man that asked Chuck Norris to “Pull my finger.”

If they made a movie of Chuck Norris standing still, it would be rated R for extreme violence.

Chuck Norris won the World Seried of Poker using Pokemon cards.

Chuck Norris was going to send an e-mail, but decided it would be faster to run.

Chuck Norris didn’t hit puberty, he beat the crap out of it!

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.